Better at Bitter...

I work really hard at not being needy but apparently it doesn’t work because people seem to avoid me like a homeless person anyway so I’ve assumed now it’s not tentacle neediness that makes people I know avoid walking down my street in terror that they will encounter me but seeping bitterness that will wipe out all hope and joy that they’ve gathered in their life and make them wish someone would throw a pail of water on me so I’d melt away and disappear.

 First of all, that’s the best run-on sentence I’ve ever written in my life and I’m damn proud.

 
Second, you know that’s what happened to the Wicked Witch of the West, right?  I’m not going from the intricate details of “Wicked” or the original book but from the movie all 25-60 year old American’s were indoctrinated with.  The pretty little naïve chick and her gaggle of gay and incompetent men made a deal with a nasty old man to get rid of the one woman in town that wasn’t going to play by the rules.  She’d already moved to a bad part of town and had thugs and degenerates as her only friends.  She even had a security system installed in her house, not to keep out the neighborhood folks but to keep a good eye on the “white bread” society that she knew her very existence threatened.  They avoided her (I’m sure she was needy early in life but her bitterness was kind of legend by the time we get to the story) and when the opportunity arose, they concocted a plan to get her out of the picture.  The young, skinny chick did it, too.  She feigned like she didn’t mean it and it was a surprise but like all bitter women know, she did it on purpose.

What we don’t see in the movie is that Dorothy gets old and bitter too.  Yeah, she’s glad to be home at first and realizes how much she needs those folks around her to grow up but she’s headstrong and uses her feminine wiles to get what she wants.  That will only lead to being alone and eventually bitter.

 

I’m growing into my bitterness and starting to feel comfortable in parts of it.  I like dressing in black but haven’t gotten to the Morticia wardrobe yet…

 Case scenario #1:  It being winter and cold and I being equipped with big bouncy breasts and ample booty wrapped in a Snuggie, I have been getting hit on quite frequently as of late.  It is to be expected – I’m not a child.  It is cold, I look like I know where the food is and I will keep your bed warm and you happy.  But my Boyfriend Vacation has had an ugly turn.  I’ve been seeing through men again (and am coming to realize that it’s basically a superpower and I feel like Magneto after the Professor wiped his mind – I’m regaining my powers slowly) and probably have eluded more men than I know with my ability to make them invisible.  But there have been a few that have thrown themselves in my sights through aggression or just plain looking good.

 

One such nutcake was a very tall (6’5” at least), full bodied, beautiful light skinned young man who circled the block, parked, and walked across the street with a torn Achilles tendon to obtain my phone number.  He couldn’t even get close to me because my beloved Cudjo and the flu kept him at least 10 feet from me.  But he was persistent and seemed to have a good start.  He called frequently in the ensuing 2 days and we found we had much in common.  Then 4 days later, I found that we had much more NOT in common.  After a bad sexting situation that made the Evil Queen take over communications, conversation has been at a stand still.  I’ve decided I don’t like him but I only ignore him for a day or two when he calls or texts. 

 

What is surprising me is that I’m doing this in a land of famine.  My best friend is in a full-blown serious relationship that has left me playing hop-scotch with random strangers and avoiding her for fear she will say his name 10 times in a row when explaining things she likes or does (“I like red.  He likes red too.”  “Yeah, I can meet you for lunch at the pizza place.  Did you know he likes pizza too?”).  I also have picked up someone to mentor (her boyfriend turned into a Gargoyle *remember!* and she’s reeling from the wounds inflicted) but my heart’s not into it.  I find myself being more matter-of-fact than hateful.  I say things like “Don’t expect much from the next one.” and “I’m sure you’ll find another boyfriend but he’ll probably be just like the one that just left.  Make sure you can take care of yourself and don’t rely on him for much more than entertainment.”  Most of my girlfriends have found a Snuggle-Buddy for the winter.  The guys that chased me through the spring and summer have either found someone else as their Snuggle Buddy or I’ve pissed them off so bad, they’d rather get an electric blanket and use that while they watch the game.

 

So here I am and in a strange but disappointing way, I’m content.

 
I am lonely and would like someone to hug and kiss me and sit on the couch and watch cartoons until I fall asleep, wake me with coffee on a day off and let me rub his shoulders while he plays Assassin’s Creed or be his extra eyes during Halo.  I would like a guy that wants to talk all day about nothing and make it sound exciting and think that I’m mean and evil but secretly awesome and I think that he’s just as evil but addictively great…but after 42 years, I don’t think that guy really exists.  Yeah, I’ve had brief brushes with people that acted like that but their heart belonged to someone else or they had bigger issues that blocked out the sun.  So, I think I’m learning to deal with it in a good way.  I’ve embraced my hobbies like long lost friends; I’ve promoted my dogs to actual children status; and have decided to take a more serious interest in my friends, family, and those in need.  I know I’m slowly turning into an old person and I’m pretty pissed about that part but it feeds the bitterness in me and that’s okay. 

 I figure I’ll never be like Cinderella’s step-mother, who was straight up crazy bitter but still had kids to raise and someone else’s brat too and still had to deal with being lonely and the mother of ugly kids.  She was vicious but you couldn’t really blame her.  I don’t have such responsibilities so I identify more with the Wicked Witch of the West or Snow White’s nemesis…I have everything I need, I kind of rule my domain a bit, I don’t really pay attention to any snot-nosed, skinny, prettier-than-thou chick unless she tries to take my stuff.  But these princes/wizards coming through are barely worth acknowledging…so I think I’m straight on that level.