Into the sunset

Now, I am not infallible and have lovely moments of weakness that I like to say make me a woman of the highest order.  I like to feel desirable, irresistible, and damsel in distress worthy.

One weekend I got a little insecure and thought he was losing interest in our deal (i.e. me) and frankly feeling like this situation could turn into more. I called him later in the night and with a little liquid courage, spilled my guts and feelings all over the place – even the ones that didn’t make sense.  He talked me back to reality, explaining how he was not going to mess up a budding real relationship with a smart, beautiful woman that could actually help him in his life.  He reminded me that I’d told him no sex and though he asked all the time that that rule be taken off the table, he respected it and me and knew sex right now would not help either of us.  I was floored with his candor and honesty.  Slowly I regained my sanity (not helped by my monthly hormonal imbalance) and marveled at how someone with a reputation for being impulsive and horny could take the highroad in a situation that catered to his base character.  He was quite proud of himself and told me that part of it was due to me giving him a chance. “I can hardly believe it.” I mentioned.  “Most guys I’ve been out in my life would take advantage of me immediately.”   “And yet,” he said, “I’ve been here the whole time. You just never noticed me.”

The month flew by and we had loads of fun (though he didn’t learn much design but I did get my car pimped out).  After the month was over, I told him our contract was done and he asked what the summer looked like.  I joked that I was taking vacation and that he was definitely on the roster for next year.  We decided to play the summer as the friends we’d never taken the time to be.  He was still rebounding from his ex-girlfriend and we talked about that plenty.  Eventually, he got back with her but we still hung out periodically. 

All in all, I was well pleased with my experiment.  As I entered “vacation mode”, I came across BF#6 who has been a very pleasant addition to my summer and BF#7 who is also making the summer exciting without too much work.

Next post: What I learned…

Season Finale - #5

I couldn’t get back to my world as easily as I’d thought I’d be able to.  Men still approached me and talked.  I looked like a battered wife or at least near homeless.  And I was rude since I felt like I was “off-duty”.  A few guys got my number but one, I never answered when he called because I’d forgotten I’d given him my number and didn’t recognize it.  Another, I’m pretty sure I gave him a card with the wrong number on it.  It went like that for weeks.  My girls and Adam asked what the stalling was all about.  “I’m tired.” Was my reply.  And I was.

If I could find a guy I already knew, someone that didn’t require too much introductory work and that knew how to explore without being too pessimistic, I’d be happy.

Little did I know, I was going to get my wish.

My car broke. My sweet little pony up and died (several times) and no one knew how to fix her.  The Midas shop I’d taken her to as a last resort had told me there was nothing wrong with her but the next morning, she didn’t start as I’d feared.  I needed a specialist, a genius, a hero.  I only knew one and as long as I'd known him, having dealings with him was like going into the badlands with no money and a bikini on and hoping for the best.

I felt adequately desperate and begged my brother to ask his crazy, man-whore, bad-boy of a former best friend (the genius mechanic) to come look at my car.  He did and after a few days, diagnosed the problem and went completely out of his way to come over and finish up fixing it.  My brother couldn’t make it the second time so we had to spend that repair time alone together.  I talked him up like I did all the men I’d come across during the past 3 months even though I’d known him over 4 years.  He was never the shy one and could talk a deaf man to death.  Besides his constant cussing, he was actually funny and kept up his bad boy image with constant references to my breasts.  After he finished my car (my brother had told me not to pay him – he owed him more than my repair covered), I told him I’d like to treat him to dinner, which as I explained meant that he got to take me to dinner but had to pay for everything and be a gentleman.  I was fishing and he took the bait.

Over dinner, I explained my plan for the winter and that I had one month to go and was looking for a little variety in my repertoire.  He was white, had a renowned reputation but we obviously had the same interests and could help each other out.  He had recently had his girlfriend leave him and was well on the rebound and lonely and I was trying to finish out my plan with finesse.  He wanted to learn graphic design and I needed a personal doctor for my Miata.  And we were both excitement junkies and ADD when it came to relationships.  He loved the plan and we agreed to the terms.  No sex, cool places and dates for the weekend and we’d learn from each other.  He was fully on board and asked if he could sign up for the summer too. 

The next weekend, we went out on the town and did Fernbank, Front Page News, and Cabbagetown.  He introduced me as his fiancé, hugged me often and talked a mile a minute.  We laughed continuously and it was like we’d been friends all the time but just now admitted it. 

The next day, he made dinner at his house, made me a foot bath and gave me foot massage, and we rented a movie to watch on his 100 inch tv screen in his media room.  We ended the night with him playing video games on the computer while I gave him a back rub.

We found we literally had the same interests.  I collected toys and had a serious thing for Batman.  He also collected toys and had a Batmobile he’d had since he was a child.  We tested each other on music from our favorite sci-fi movies, which he knew my favorite.  He was brilliant with computers, with mechanics, with anything that he could put his hands on.  He had no follow through which he seemed to find fascinating in me.  He flirted openly and in the same conversation where we discussed the strongest Marvel character, we discussed sexual preferences and positions, last boyfriends/girlfriends, what we couldn’t wait to discover about each other and how our being actual friends was the strangest thing.  It was refreshing.

Cougar Wings

He called the next day and chatted me up, complimenting me on everything from my dress to my skills with my Wacom tablet.  I didn’t even have to ask him many questions.  He voluntarily spoke heavily about himself and it took up most of our conversation.  He did want to know how old I was and I dodged the question in a ladylike manner.  He was 25 with two children and the aspirations of an astronaut.  I nearly laughed out loud.  He promised his last girlfriend was 35 and that he was used to “older women”.  I knew I could never take him seriously, besides his optimistic attitude was exhausting.  But I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get my Cougar wings in going out with a 25 year old.  I’d just turned 40 and was looking for a little excitement added to the mix.  How cool would it be if one of my 3 was 25 years old?  That would put a whole new spin on the plan.  I did not realize how my approach would have to be tailored to this new breed of man.

He called nearly every day and finally “set up” a night out, which would begin at the coffee shop where we’d met.  By the time that day rolled around, I’d forgotten and he called me the next day and asked if we’d missed a date.  I apologized and rebooked the outing.  But (I was about to get schooled on going out with children) when that day came up, no confirmation call and when I called the phone was disconnected.  Figured.  3 weeks later, he called and apologized and explained his drama filled situation.  I blew it off (I was actually no more interested in seeing him as I was in seeing a show at 6 Flags – it was just something you did to pass the time).  He spoke at length about some of his motion graphic gigs and a movie he wanted to shoot.  I listened, looked up his stuff and let him see some of my work.  He again promised we’d get together.

By this time, I’d grown tired of the show and BF#3 and BF#1 kept me plenty occupied.  So the morning calls with his extensive discussions about himself and his plans with the random question or two about how to do something thrown in, were getting old.  After a couple more weeks, I stopped answering.  Imagine my surprise when the phone number changed and I was once again on the morning chat list.

That’s all there was to that, folks.  He could never get his situation together and I had smelled BS the second time I’d spoken to him.  By this time I was swimming in it every phone call and I racked it up to at least taking my Cougar test – I just didn’t finish.

What I did learn though was that “talking to” a younger man was exhausting.  He spoke with an energy that I wasn’t used to.  It was uncertain but relentlessly hopeful.  He had the energy to keep at something even though it wasn’t working well because he just knew it would change.  Though I was young at heart, I’d come to accept certain things and knew to pick my battles.  I was eager still and rambunctious but I was pretty clear of my limit and knew when to stop (kind of).  It was a bit invigorating to hear his artistic aspirations – it made me think back to my college days when I just knew I could conquer the world.  But, I had already made my mark and I was happy with it so he couldn’t talk me into going out on any more limbs.  Oh well, good for me.

Here’s where the game changes, ya’ll. 

I mentioned at the outset that this was not my life previously.  I’d never been homecoming queen or Miss Popular in school.  I’d never had a boyfriend every year of my life since I turned 15.  I was the bookworm, the weird girl, and quite frankly, the fat ugly chick in a lot of my contemporaries lives.  So with this newfound popularity and keeping up the conquest – after this BF#4 situation – I was physically and mentally exhausted. 

It took a lot of time to psych myself up to go “shopping”.  It took time and effort to dress like I wanted to be approached, to always have something ready to say, to be ready to hold conversations and remember things men said.  I was very good at blending into the woodwork and to take a break, I decided to dress in my house clothes/pjs that I’d always dressed in and actually go to my coffee shop to relax and work on some of my personal projects that had fallen by the wayside since I’d begun my quest.

BF#4 - The Cougar Qualifier

I’d gone to dinner with Adam for our monthly outing in the middle of the week.  I still looked good after dinner so went to my local coffee shop to work on a website and see what the world looked like on a Thursday night.  My coffee shop held chess tournaments for the locals on Thursday night and apparently was the local hangout for men to get away from their wives.  So I walked in and immediately two septuagenarians hit on me.  They would have been super sexy in the 80’s.  One was a former body guard and the other a former Marine.  I smiled to myself a little at the kind of men I attracted even though they’d been retired forever.  I’d always been a good listener and asked a lot of questions (which they loved) so this prompted them to talk and talk.  One commented I was the strange yet beautiful woman that didn’t do most of the talking.  They loved it.  I loved it.  I like to hear how other people think and what they’ve done with their lives.  These two has accomplished a lot and if their bodies hadn’t given up on them, they would still be the action heroes they described themselves as.  As I chatted with them off and on, the place filled up with a younger mixed crowd who set up chess boards throughout the store. 

Side note:  One thing about older men (that I’ve found) is that they ask questions.  It seems the younger a man gets, the less questions he asks of a girl – unless he has a specific motive in mind (to get her to talk about something he wants to talk about, to get her number, to get in her pants, etc.).  Some older men seem to be able to ask questions just to hear what your answer will be.  They seem to genuinely be able to convey the persona of someone interested in what you have to say, even if they aren’t.  These two did that.  They also don’t have a problem sitting through silence.  We chatted and then they let me work for a minute without looking uncomfortable or even talking to each other.  It was relaxing – their way of crafting the conversation. 

After awhile, the men decided to leave and the former bodyguard asked me for my number (in case he ever needed a website).  I laughed but I figured it couldn’t hurt so I handed him my card.  Apparently all the men in our immediate company had been listening to our conversation and asked for my card too.  I handed out 10 cards.  As I chatted with the poet, the mobile app salesman, the playwright, the pilot and the motion graphics designer, I got to know the kind of men that hang out on Thursday nights at Starbucks.  It was comforting and I was glad to be one of the three girls in the place and the only on without a date.  Everyone had some kind of graphics work I could do for them in the future which made the impromptu networking event a success.  The designer was the most interested since he’d just arrived from California that week and was looking for a website, which I’d just sworn off doing ever again.  He talked me up for awhile but I noticed that he was very young and loved to talk about his aspirations.  He didn’t need much work to keep engaged.  I flirted with my eyes and tried my best to look interested in everything he said.  He ate it up and swore we’d get together to work on his projects.  He moved on to another chess game.  10 minutes later I got a phone call, answered it and he waved from across the room.  Cute.

BF#3 - The Return Visit

I had attempted this plan (though it was very loosely put together and not thought outwell at all) 6 months earlier on one person I’d met.  I’d been visiting the gym at work and there was a resident personal trainer who hung around.  I was trying to get in shape for a trip and he offered to help.  I took him up on it.  He looked like a wounded linebacker with big brown eyes.  He knew he was good looking which surprised me that he hit on me at times though it was very low key as he tried very hard to not cross the line of being professional.  Though he did talk to every other girl within a 2 foot radius, I was happy to make the cut.

We kind of became friends.  I liked to ask questions and he liked to talk about himself.  He knew a great deal about nutrition and working out and I needed the sure direction.  My only deal with him was that he loved himself so much he didn’t understand why you would ever want to talk about yourself.  He constantly wanted the attention and never once asked me a question about myself.  It was fine with it for a time – I like the attention I got when I was with him.  People stared and I felt like I was part of the cutesy crowd that I cursed at all the time.

Eventually, he got another job and kept in touch with me, periodically.  Finally enough time had passed that I suggested we get together to catch up.  I told him he could take me to brunch which he accepted.  I was happy to get brunch at my favorite place on a Sunday.  I was happy I didn’t have to pay for it and for the compliments on my looks.  Only as he walked me to my car did I realize the actual transactions that occurred on these little dates I set up.  On the way to the car, his hand kept finding my waist.  At the car, he hung around as I put my stuff inside.  He wanted to hug, to cuddle (which actually wasn’t that bad since he was built like a wrestler and smelled like chocolate).  He told me I was beautiful, I was wonderful, I was great to see again.  How he missed me, how he wanted to kiss me.  I literally said, “Oh yeah, that’s right. You bought me breakfast.” And let him kiss me.  He was too much into himself to notice how degrading that was.  But I felt a little degraded.  But in the end, I guess he became BF#3 since he always had something sweet to say, though it was usually corny.  I treated him with kid gloves because I had a feeling he had a bit of a temper – nothing scary, but just something to avoid.  I never put too much into being with him and he never came off his golden stallion of an ego to make the effort to be with me on a real level.  It worked out for the Winter, though.  I never paid for anything when I was with him.  I just had to listen to him talk, which was a lot easier than I thought.