Wisdom from Atlanta Housewives

I don't watch television.  At least I don't at home.  When I am elsewhere, I'm like a 2 year old in front of flashing lights...I can't turn away.  So, I'm at the spa last Sunday, relaxing and they had Atlanta Housewives review show on tv, which is basically where the cast of the show watches the highlights of their videotaped reality from the past couple of months and talk about each other.  Apparently, there was a new girl that just joined recently and she was tearfully telling them that she didn't know they were so ruthless and unsupportive as people. One of the main women bluntly told her, "Have you watched the show?  You don't come on here looking for support!"  I literally laughed out loud.

That being said, I've actually had boyfriend issues even though it is well past Winter and quite Spring.  This is my latest and greatest - he's a True Blue boy and we officially hit 6 months on April 11.  I thought we were doing quite well until this last week and especially yesterday.

First to note, he is 11 years my junior.  I'm not officially cougaring because I'm actually working on a relationship, but he is young enough to note.  He is 31 and a full blown man of that age with a laundry list of things he must accomplish in the next 5 years to be able to hold his head high in the world.  He can do it.  He IS doing it.  But if anyone remembers their early 30's, we all had a list the size of a dictionary of things we had to do to feel worthwhile, to feel like we'd be leaving our mark on the world.  And in the end, you accomplished maybe 3 or 4 of the things on that list.  They always turned out to be the most important and when you hit 35 or 39, you started laughing at all the things you wrote on the list. So, True Blue is there, at the beginning of that stage and feels he is not accomplishing fast enough for himself. And, being a real man, for me either.

I want to help. I want to be supportive and tell him I can help accomplish some of the stuff on his list for him. I want to give him good advice about how most of it doesn't matter anyway and that I think he's awesome for being so dedicated and focused.  I want to be his sounding board and BFF and counselor all at the same time.  But he is a proud Black man and if I am to be his woman, I cannot do any of those things verbally.  If he was a girl, we'd sit down and make a list and cry and check in every week to whine about what didn't work and laugh and celebrate what did work and get excited about the next thing on the list.  I am brazenly aware though, that he is not a girl.  

I tried to give him advice Friday night (with the help of my first glass of wine in 4 months - which did NOT help).  By Saturday, he revealed a little of his insecurities and by Sunday he was not really talking to me.  He wasn't being mean and as one of my long time friends always says to me, it was "not about me".  By Monday, there was a distinct lack of communication and today we're as social as bus-mates. My best girlfriend's advice is to leave him alone and let him work it out.  The old (younger) Audra is screaming inside that we need to get our cape and fly to the rescue.  But this newer (older) version of Audra is sitting back and crossing her legs to wait it out.  This is a first for me and I'm uncomfortable and afraid I may do/say the wrong thing.  Everything I read and hear says that this is the correct way to be supportive in this situation but it's a lot like performing spinal surgery - one wrong move and you can lose the person indefinitely.

So I'm practicing patience every hour - I would say every day but I'm not the type of person that can make that kind of personal commitment.  I've put my phone down 6 times in the last 2 hours to stop myself from trying to get him to talk about it.  I've stopped myself from reading into every line he's texted from the last 2 months on my phone. I've tried to be normal during the short and polite conversation we've had today - not being too casual but not trying to draw him out.  This is exhausting and it's only been 2 days.

Well, we'll see how I do - although if you've taken anything away from this blog, you know I'm a sprinter when it comes to relationships, not a marathon runner.  I have my fingers crossed for myself.  Can you do that?